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"Marry me. Nay, marriage will cost us precious moments together. Let us make sweet, passionate love right here. Let me bear your children.”A primal growl signaled Miss Lynn getting over her shock at be..."

"One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up."

"All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it."

"How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?"

"When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!"

"Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear... from my future Kids' Funny Business."

"Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away."

"Shelly looked around the jamb again as though whatever animal that had been terrorizing her had a weapon. “That doesn’t look like typical rat shit. You may be right. This needs to be handled right now..."

"Holy mama llama. That’s Nathanial Stone. Nathanial Stone is sitting in my booth. Nathanial Stone is in the Finewhile Diner sitting in my booth. I’m supposed to wait on Nathanial Stone. I’m going to ma..."

"I would die for you, my love—in old age."