"If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder."
- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
"To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken."
"Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god."
"My love is pizza shaped. Won’t you have a slice? It’s circular, so there’s enough to go around."
- Dora J. Arod
"I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up."
"I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep."
"I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy."
"Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer."
"She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert."
"My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored."