"Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face."
- Oliver Oliver Reed
"Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him."
"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."
"Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg."
"For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one."
"When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok."
"Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside."