"Seconds later, the female security officer grabbed a pair of my father's shorts from the top of the duffel bag, and emptied out the contents of his pockets. A lighter, three nail files, a pocket wrenc..."
- Chelsea Handler
"Or the woman in front of me in the security line who asked if they would put her cat, Dave, through the luggage X-ray machine because she wanted to see if he'd eaten a necklace."
- Jenny Lawson
"Wasn't Atlanta the murder capital of the U.S. last year?" "Yes, but the airport's perfectly safe."
- Pat Conroy