"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
- Victor Borge
"The shortest distance between two people is a smile."
"One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace."
"I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so."
"(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?"
"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."
"(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?"
"I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary."
"Flint must be an extremely wealthy town I see that each of you bought two or three seats."