"Wanted: Steel toed Bible thumpers to reach a monster truck mad world."
- M.J. McGuire
"I recommend you don't attend the wheat and chaff bonfire."
"I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap’n Crunch and I’d have to take a nap."
"I have a Siamese twin cat. It's got 2 heads and 18 lives."
"I've got a Siamese cat. It has 2 heads and 18 lives."
"The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please."