"Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her."
- Oliver Oliver Reed
"Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face."
"Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him."
"Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white."
"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."
"Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg."
"Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order."
"For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one."
"Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye."
"When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok."