"She forks up a little nibble and wedges it in her mouth. "Yum," she croaks.Mrs. Wong looks pleased. "It's made with tofu."I can't resist. "Free-range tofu?"My mother looks over at me sharply. Mrs. Won..."
- Heather Vogel Frederick
"I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts."
- Daniel Tosh
"Sleepwalking is the perfect exorcise for lazy people"
- Benny Bellamacina
"It's early on a beautiful winter morning. The house is quiet. The sun is shining. I'm thankful. I'm happy. My cup runneth over. Now there's coffee everywhere."
- Mindy Levy
"Roses are red, Violettes are bllue,Valentines day is consumerous crap,now don't you have ironing to do"Unlikely thing to read in a valentines day card"
- Mock of the week the show
"Another case for the dumbness of reading, however, is that books do not contain answers, but rather pose more questions. And asking questions makes you look dumber, not sma"
- Dan Wilbur
"A few people have ventured to imitate Shakespeare's tragedy. But no audacious spirit has dreamed or dared to imitate Shakespeare's comedy. No one has made any real attempt to recover the loves and the..."
- G.K. Chesterton
"Comedy is, of course, closely associated with eggs."
- Harlan Tarbell
"In life there are squares and there are circles, sometimes it's best to be an oblong"
"I'm holding a super-expandable energy-powered towel. I've made friends with space hamsters. I think we've stretched believability rather far, don't you?"
- Michael S. Atkinson