"In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy."
- Johnny Carson
"Just be yourself -- it's the only way it can work."
"Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do."
"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
"If life was fair Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
"I know a man who gave up smoking drinking sex and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself."