"I used to think that kid might become a preacher. Now I don't see how he's going to stay out of prison. Nobody in this family ever went to prison for sex crimes. He'd be the first."Yes," says Jesus, "..."
- Garrison Keillor
"When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal."
"A book is a gift you can open again and again."
"A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about."
"Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn."
"Nothing you do for children is ever wasted."
"Hurry up! Do it – get it done. You got work to do. Don’t put this off and don’t take the long view. Life is today and tomorrow, and if you are lucky, may be next week."
"Don't worry about the past and don't try to figure out the future"
"The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future."
"What would people think?'Jesus said that people think all sorts of things. The human mind is like a cloud of gnats. Constant motion. That's why you have to look at the heart.'Oh,' said Grandpa."