"Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority."
- Stephen Colbert
"Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor."
"If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it."
"All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ."
"A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?"
"Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes."
"Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at ..."
"Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some."
"So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns."
"I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and ..."