"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
- Rita Rudner
"Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them."
"I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962."
"Men like cars women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes."
"Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man."