"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
- Phyllis Diller
"It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge."
"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out."
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
"The best contraceptive for old people is nudity."
"I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do."
"Cleaning your house while your children are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
"In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane."