"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep."
- Fran Lebowitz
"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
"Think before you speak. Read before you think."
"There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death."
"If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words."
"The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat."
"Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature."
"All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write."
"There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing."
"I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties."