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"If you have one parent who loves you, even if they can't buy you clothes, they're so poor and they make all kinds of mistakes and maybe sometimes they even give you awful advice, but never for one mom..."

- Augusten Burroughs

lovemoving-onparents

"Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face."

- Augusten Burroughs

humorconfessionsmagical-thinking

"I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have l..."

- Augusten Burroughs

humor

"Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth"

- Augusten Burroughs

humor

"Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people."

- Augusten Burroughs

humormath

"It may seem to you that your life is over now. Your future without the person you love is no future at all.Death is a head-on collision with your plans.But everything in life--the gold fillings of you..."

- Augusten Burroughs

death

"I nodded again, but I knew I would not grow up to drive a bulldozer. It would be awful to be dirty all day like these men. I didn't say it, but at best I would keep one in the backyard, like a goat."

- Augusten Burroughs

growing-upworkaspirations

"And we were married and all the windows were open but the smell of flowers was so thick and sickly sweet. I felt like I might choke to death."

- Augusten Burroughs

marriage

"...Trying is not the same as being. Trying flies in a circle around the moment and *being* is inside of it."

- Augusten Burroughs

self-help

"I love you," she said, and I knew she meant it because she spoke the words from the heart at the center of her chest. This, at least, had not been left behind at the hospital."

- Augusten Burroughs

loveheart
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