"Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot."
- Josh Billings
"The trouble ain't that people are ignorant: it's that they know so much that ain't so."
"The truly innocent are those who not only are guiltless themselves but who think others are."
"My advice to those who are about to begin in earnest the journey of life is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other."
"Love looks through a telescope envy through a microscope."
"Most men would rather be charged with malice than with making a blunder."
"To bring up a child in the way he should go travel that way yourself once in a while."
"A dog Is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
"Money will buy a pretty good dog but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
"Be like a postage stamp-stick to one thing until you get there."